Our context
We have some gendered retreats happening in Buddhafield, and they happen commonly within the Triratna Buddhist Order, of which we are a part. Whilst we won’t be speaking to that whole context in the scope of this article, it is still worth noting here. Triratna has a gender-diverse sangha that you can find on Facebook here.
We have several queer-identified and gender-diverse people working in the core of Buddhafield and hold conversations about equity, diversity and inclusion on many levels throughout our working year. Some of the below came out of one of those conversations. It is not meant to be exhaustive or final; the intention is to support people curious about our approach to gender in respect of our gendered retreats.
Gendered Retreats in Buddhafield
We usually hold a men's and a women's retreat every one or two years—both have been explicitly inclusive of trans men and trans women since 2020. We had our first LGBTQIA+ retreat in 2021. There was a Women’s and non-binary person’s GFR retreat with Tiratnaloka held in 2022 and a Women’s and non-binary person’s Yatra held in 2023.
In the text below, we use the terms gender-fluid/questioning. This is intended to loosely represent the broad spectrum of gender identities outside the binary that people may identify with.
An example of our feedback/ conversations
We have had versions of the following questions and/or comments and tensions from people - the public and internally. Our best current approaches are offered in response, and we are open to ongoing feedback:
Why isn’t the retreat I want (men’s/women’s/LBGTQIA+)on this year? Why hasn’t it been prioritised when other retreats have?
Each Buddhafield retreat only happens because there is someone within our core team who has the capacity, energy and relevant experience to lead the organising of that retreat. Sometimes, we don’t put on a specific retreat because those with the relevant experience and passion don’t have the capacity to support it in that year. Also, we offer a full retreat season every year. There are always new ideas for the programme. We can only put on a certain amount per year, meaning that some things we want to run can only be every other or every few years.
I’m a gender-fluid/questioning person, and I’m drawn to the gendered retreat - how will the retreat be held so that I feel included?
There will usually be an opportunity to share your pronouns on the first introductory go-round of the retreat, or retreat groups (for larger retreats). There are practical ways that you will be supported to feel included [see below]. The retreat organiser will also be open to discussing other things to help you feel included.
However, we do also feel that it’s not possible to hold a binary gendered retreat that speaks to the particular experience of that gender and be wholly inclusive at the same time. Within our gendered retreats, there will likely be reference to the male/female experience. This may feel fine to some gender-fluid/questioning people and painful and excluding to others.
We recognise that a gendered retreat still appeals to some gender-fluid/questioning members of our sangha. They may be drawn to exploring their male/female socialisation, for example, or have had difficult experiences related to gender that make being in a gendered space supportive. We want to offer a warm welcome and be clear about our constraints in advance. If in doubt, we encourage you to contact us, and we may be able to help immediately or put you in touch with the retreat organiser.
Women’s/ Men’s spaces are important to me as I want to explore what this aspect of my being means to me – is that still going to happen if the retreat needs to be aimed at the broader gender experience as well?
Some of our retreats, workshops and affinity spaces at the festival are aimed explicitly at just men or women, so we encourage you to seek out those spaces if this is important to you.
Our gendered retreats that include gender-fluid/questioning people will still predominantly centre the male or female experience. However, some aspects of the retreat, like the optional sharing of pronouns, will be aimed at making the retreat inclusive to non-binary participants.
I am a man/woman, I am concerned about being on a gendered retreat with a gender-fluid/questioning person who was socialised as a woman/man as I don’t feel as comfortable being open about my experience with someone where I can’t have a reasonable expectation that they can empathise. It’s the empathy that encourages me to be more open about this part of my experience of being human. I feel tension here even though I am generally pro-gender expression and inclusivity.
We will be explicit in our retreat descriptions about whether all gender-fluid people are welcome or whether the retreat is open only to those socialised as women or men so that you can judge in advance whether the space will offer you what you need.
In general, gendered retreats will typically be open to a particular gender expression and non-binary people socialised in that gender.
Why are you holding gendered retreats at all? Can’t we explore these issues in mixed environments? Aren’t we trying to move beyond over-identification with the self?
True liberation likely means that views and attachments around our identity will drop away. However, our conditioning in these human forms also matters to how we practice and move in the world. Both can be true at the same time.
For some people, having space to explore the gendered aspects of their conditioning and experience can be supportive. It may also be supportive to be a gendered space if you’ve had difficult experiences related to gender. We still feel there are some good reasons to hold gendered retreats, but we will only put them on while there are people with the energy, skill and willingness within Buddhafield to organise them. Most of our retreats are mixed. We keep this conversation open within the team and discuss it widely and frequently.
I’m gender diverse, and I want to attend your retreat. How do I know that my practical needs will be taken care of during the retreat?
We have information about our washing and toileting facilities in our FAQs. Where we have hot tubs you can ask the retreat organiser for a specific LBGTQIA+ or gendered slot if this will allow you to use the hot tubs with more ease. If in doubt, contact the organiser beforehand. Please also see the ‘limits’ section below.
I am trans and I don’t consider myself to be ‘passing’ - have you considered the challenge that I and others may experience if I attend the retreat appropriate to my gender?
We do think about these challenges and discuss them with people who have the requisite lived experience. We are committed to wholeheartedly supporting trans people who attend our retreats. Retreat spaces are not immune to the challenges and potential prejudices that people encounter in everyday life. However, we make concerted efforts to create safer spaces where people can explore and deepen their practice. However, if in doubt, contact us in advance and we may be able to help and/or put you in touch with the retreat organiser.
Women’s spaces, in particular, need to be protected so that women with difficult gender-related experiences in their past can feel safe.
In our experience, having gender-fluid/questioning and trans people at our gendered retreats has never posed any practical threat to safety. We encourage people to remember that media and social media approaches to these issues centre extreme voices and exceptional circumstances for sensationalism and make them seem like the norm. The vast majority of people are simply trying to live a relatively everyday existence within their identity - regardless of whether this relates to their gender or not. Addressing this is key in many Buddhist retreats.
We understand that past difficult experiences can make things feel unsafe for people regardless. We respect that and have compassion for its difficulty within the retreat and the wider world. Like women, many gender-fluid/questioning and trans people may also have had difficult gender-related experiences and benefit from being in spaces without men as a result. By creating inclusive, safe spaces, we hope to contribute to the healing process for everyone.
Our women’s and open gendered spaces are an attempt to balance these different needs. Of course, they won’t work for everyone, which is why we try to make clear in advance who is included and why.
The limits
These are all points of extensive discussion within the team and in the world. We want our spaces to feel welcoming but must be clear about the limits.
- It’s not possible to hold a binary gendered retreat that speaks to the particular experience of that gender and be wholly inclusive at the same time. Within our gendered retreats, there will be reference to the male/ female experience.
- We don’t have the resources or the numbers to create caucus groups within every gendered retreat to support gender-diverse folk. However, we are prepared to have conversations before and after for people who want to express their experiences.
- We don’t have the practical resources on some of our mobile retreats i.e. yatras and wilderness retreats to create wholly private facilities during the walking day or at wild campsites for people who need them for their gendered self-care.
- While we encourage and train for pronoun recognition and support, we cannot guarantee it will happen at every retreat check-in.
- We are committed to protecting people from discriminatory behaviour and will intervene when needed. Yet, we cannot guarantee the approach and ideologies of everyone who attends our retreats.
What we do
- We are explicit about gender-inclusivity on our web page and during the booking process on gendered retreats.
- We train our team in gender inclusivity and support chosen pronoun usage.
- We have a code of conduct for all our team and volunteers, which asks people to commit to kindness, inclusivity and compassion.
- We have various inclusivity documents that we ask people to engage with and support.
- We regularly examine our inclusive practices and are open to feedback from our retreatants and those who attend our events.
- We offer support and signposting for people who are gender-diverse and wish to practice within the Triratna context.
- We have a wide range of mixed retreats and offer mixed study groups to those working within Buddhafield.
- At the Buddhafield Festival, we have an LGBTQIA+ space and camping area.
- As a charity, business and employer, we must legally comply with the Equalities Act 2010. We have regular trustee and team meetings to ensure that we meet this standard.
Please get in touch if you have any questions about going on a gendered retreat with Buddhafield or feedback on this page.